The Answers Lie Within.

What has become of this world? A place so beautiful, yet so corrupt. We're dying. All of us. We long to find happiness. What is happiness in a place like this? How do we survive our own demise? I can no longer breathe. I can no longer thrive. An ex-drug addict. An ex-alcoholic. I am surviving in this world, full of all those who are damned. Death is heaven. Life is hell. When we die, we all go to heaven, for hell is right here on our doorsteps.
What is a life, if nothing but pain and suffering? A light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe love will save our souls.
A heart can only take so much pain before it gives out right from under itself. Fear is a protector. Fear protects us from the dangers of life. Maybe fear can save us.
If you died tomorrow, will you be happy with what you've done in life? Will we pay for what we've done? Will we pay for who we were? Where are all the answers? They tell us to question everything. Why?
What will become of us?
Have you ever wondered what we will see in the end? Who? Will our fears follow us in death?
Iron trees and paved roads-- this is not what we need. We need to be free.


Discuss.

Love, Life and Drastic Changes.

When you love someone, you sometimes have to adjust and face serious changes. Say you've fallen in love, and the person of interest has a child. Could you make such a major decision as to be something of a parental figure? Say you hate children and you, yourself, do NOT want them. Could you bring yourself to be there? No matter how hard it may be, no matter how hard you have to work? When you're in love you sometimes have to make sacrifices. This is mine:
I don't want children. Nor do I remotely like children. But I'm in love with a boy. He has a daughter. I'm willing to get over myself and be there no matter what. It's all worth it to me. And I feel that it takes real love to make this kind of choice with no one even asking this of you. It takes real love to want to be there and swallow your pride enough to do so. And I've done it. I've decided, on my own accord, that I want to do this. I'm sure if I bond with her, it'll be alright.
I plan to help him gain full custody of her. Why? Because I love him. And he'll be happy. And I'll be happy.

The moral of the story is, love is a many splendid thing. (quoted from Moulin Rouge) And I promise you, it's real and it can save you. But take my word for it, never follow your heart or your brain. Always, always, always follow your gut. That's what I do. And it's when I ignore my gut that everything fucks up in the end. So whenever my gut says it's wrong, I listen for fear of losing the boy I've given my all to. And a quote from Moulin Rouge, a quote that I hold very close to my heart: The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.

When you love someone, that is the greatest feeling you'll ever have in life. And when you have it, hold onto it as if nothing else matters. Because that's just it; nothing else matters. Nothing. Else. Matters.

Discuss.

You Can't Save the Dead.

It's been awhile since I've written anything. I've been detached from most things. I'd now like to bring up the subject regarding feeling lost and being lost...

...in life.

I have a friend, and to avoid spilling her identity, we'll call her Sidnie. Now, Sidnie is a raging alcoholic, a pill popper and a stoner. She recently had a close call with being raped because she was drinking with strangers who proceeded to drug her. Sidnie chose to confide in me. We're best friends. I, myself, am a raging alcoholic. But I've also been working on it. (soon, I'll make a blog following my progress^^) Now, she chose to limit herself to three beers whenever she drinks, later upped it to five. She got so wasted at a dinner party that she passed out in her salad. She's not even twenty one, yet. She will be soon, but currently, she's not. This is a real life example of BEING lost.

My next example is NOT anonymous, because it's based on MY experiences, regarding my point. (and this is good for me, because I'm so upfront with what I am and how I am)

I have severe anxiety, paranoia, depression and nervous disorder. I often fall into panic attacks, sometimes for no reason at all. I always feel like something is missing, and that I'm being monitored. I get depressed randomly, anything can trigger it. I shake, constantly, my palms sweat, I twitch, I walk with my head down, I hate going out to crowded places (concerts, bars and clubs never bothered me much, I deal with it). I often feel like I'm trapped in a hole and I have no way out, which is understandable because of my anxiety and depression. I'm not lost in life, but I feel that I am.


My point is, some people are lost; some people only seem lost. Some are so lost, they simply can't be saved. They're far pass fixing. And when it comes down to it, you'll try until they give up.

Discuss.

Wake Up, Open the Door and Escape to the Sea.

In a matter of love and fate, we fall on our heels.
To love another is to first love yourself.
And to find what fate is dragging you to, is to simply listen.

You're alive only if you feel it.
And you're dead without even realizing it.
Taking artistic measures, I'm fresh out of memories.
It's like walking through a mist.
And people are only shadows.

A hint is to always read what I write in context.
That's the only way to understand it.
My mind; I think in context.
I can't help it.
I've always done it.


While memories are painful, I cast them out of my mind.
Always at work and distracted.
My art gives me peace of mind.


I'll give you what you're worth.
Who says pain isn't cheap?
Is it worth the ache in my soul?
Maybe you're just being coy.

Let's leave unsaid, what's let unspoken.


Discuss.

An Artist in a World Full of Pain.

I don't always discuss things.
I have an extremely artsy side to me.
Here is an example;

As I crawl, I feel you there.
You're out of view, but I can smell you.
I can smell your fear; it's radiating off of  you.
You have a fear of life and death and everything in between.

Everything is broken now.
She's cowering in the corner.
So tired of crying.
Just want to feel alive.
Just one more time.
One more time...


And her heart is waiting for your touch.
She's drowning in the lies you lied.
You killed her soul with all your hate.


All the pain I feel inside is growing more and more.
You said forever.
You lied.


When will you see?
All this pain...
We died for nothing.
We all died in vain.
You're the only one to blame.
You left me there, you'd let me rot.


I promised you my heart.
I gave it all up for you.
Here, I'm left with nothing.
Only faded memories.
I can't remember the sound of your voice anymore.


It's all so far from me.
I can feel him in my heart.
Breathing ever so slightly.
And I'm still dying inside.
I give off the essence of life.
But I'm still dying inside.


I wish you'd just leave.
Like all the times you left before.
But you're watching as I crawl away.
I smell your fear.
You know what you want.
And I know, too.


My memories are of you and hate.
I can't forgive, I can only forget.
She let you rip her to pieces.
And so did he.


Pain is more than what's on the surface, dear.
It's skin deep and you're reluctant.

I can't hear you anymore.
You're so far from me.
What was once the sweetest dream, is now the cruelest nightmare.
And when the moon comes out, the stars will fall.
Night will cure us all from hate.
Here, we'll be alive again.


We're coming back to life with the essence of death.


I can't remember who you are.
You're not the same as you were before.
You can't hold on to what you never had.
And dreams are keeping me awake.


Paranoia strikes and I crawl through the wire.
The dirt destroys her white dress.


And the panic is alive.
And the panic, you are dead.


I can feel the disease eating me from the inside.
I'm dying in the pile of leaves.
The vile will eat you alive.
And the song of October will bring you peace.


I can't feel you when I'm dying.
You're so far from here.
There's nothing that you can do.
You left long before I did.


She's breathing now.
And you're still sleeping.

-------------------------- ♥
Discuss.

Death is a Disease.

Let's talk theories for a moment.
What if you could live forever?
What if death had a cure?
Would you want it?

You would think that it would be wonderful.
Well, certain people, of course.
Not everyone is the same.

But what if it was actually inevitable?
I'm not here to say that I have all the answers.
No one does.
But I do have one logical explanation.


The only way to gain immortality is through death.


Simple yet mindblowing.


Now, say we were to find a way to keep humans from aging and dying.
Would you want it? Or even believe it at first?
However, that'd be one hell of an infomercial...

Personally, what I want is contradicting.
But it also seems to make sense.
I don't want to live forever.
BUT, I don't want to die.


Same with another similar double-phobia regarding eternity;
I feel that eventually I'd want everything to just...stop.
See, I'm afraid of anything lasting forever.
And I'm equally afraid of eternity ending.


It's just that either scenario freaks me out.
But to each their own.
Discuss.

Death Plagues Us All.

I often wonder how the world has survived this long.
Look at how humans treat the earth.
It's pathetic.

We try to own what is not ours.
We abuse our limits.
And we stress our resources.

I see everyone do it.
I see myself do it.
I'm no better than anyone else.
But I try to avoid doing it.
I've awoken from the nightmare.


The universe is alive.
Do you see?
Everything is alive.


I want to take a step back, now.
I want to discuss something that many people seem to overlook.
Vegetarianism.


Animals can feel pain.
They scream while being slaughtered.
They scream because they don't want to die.
They can feel just as much as humans.
Yet we look upon them as a dish to served at dinner.


I cannot simply explain this with simple text.
Visuals are needed to get the point across.


This video is disturbing.
I hope you can stomach it;
This is a link. Click it.


Discuss.