Phoenix

I almost wasn't here today
I almost didn't make it to my 30s
So much pain, suffering, pain
Pain
Pain
Pain
Panjf
Panjfs
Pain
Suffering

I made it out by the skin of my teeth, I survived despite all odds being against me
It's been over 8 years since I last posted here
What's the point if no one will see?
No one will see
No one sees
Until someone does
Until anyone does

I almost died 5 and a half years ago
I almost died
I was so depleted of hope, I was trapped, I was abused, I was miserable
Everything was blurred, and everything hurt
I spent 6 and a half years suffering
Suffering
Suffergfdg
Suffldggdlf
Shdfjgnld

Suffering

My children saved me, though they'll never know it
I set myself free that night, secure in what I would do
The suffering would end, one way or another
Thank the Gods! It ended without further bloodshed, besides my own
We ran away
I saved my children, I saved myself

I found the light in the dark
I ffound salvation
I fffound freedom
I ffffound happiness
I found
Love
Real love, for the first time, a real love that loves me back
No longer a one sided, or diluted delusion

Love

If I laid it bare for all to see
Like an Eldritch horror, the madness would be insurmountable
I will not erase my past
I can't, I need to remember what I have overcome
I need to remember that I outlived my pain
I need to remember

I am no longer angry with the Gods
They knew what they were doing
They needed to prepare me
To teach me to appreciate what life would be like sans pain
Sans suffering

How to appreciate love
How to feel worthy of love
How to feel real love

I'm still here
He couldn't break me
I'm free


I'm free.